Hold a grudge? Not me........

I've been struggling with something for a while now.  Let's see if any of you have a similar problem.  Years ago, about 24 years ago to be exact, somebody was very mean to me.  Flat-out rude.  In front of quite a few people - some of whom took up for me and tried to right the situation.  Thank goodness for those people, because I didn't end up thinking that the entire room hated me.  Twenty-four years?  How would that affect me still?  ......you might ask.

Here's the deal.  I imagine myself coming in contact with that person in the present.  (It could happen, although chances are it won't.)  Instead of imagining my gracious self saying "Oh, I remember you, hello!"  I scheme and pet my cat, a' la Dr. Evil, and dream up ways to tell the whole imaginary crowd that they were very mean to me in the past and don't deserve my attention now.

My heart knows, however, that such a reaction would be wrong, immature and against everything I teach and try to live.  I really don't think I have it in me to confront anyone in that way, no matter how I feel inside.  I could probably type it, from the comfort of my own home, constructing all the phrasing to show me in the best light, them in the worst.......oh wait, that sounds so familiar.

Maybe we all have a past incident that we would love to re-visit in today's time, just to show "I was right" or "You were wrong" or "Look where I am now!" I suppose it's human nature.  In reality though, we need to remain gracious and kind.  I have stalked the mean person from my past and seen them in family pictures, having fun, looking oh so nice.  I suppose I could change my heart and be my sweet self if ever a chance meeting happened again.  Thinking about payback is amusing, but in real life, I vote for being nice, all the time.

Fifth Grade Thunderdome

Once a year, the weather starts to warm up, Easter decorations hit the stores, weekend festivals abound and the fifth graders that I teach are put through a grueling experience.  No, not testing, not a spring dance, not a sports competition: the grueling experience is called "Mass Choir".

How can singing be so difficult?  Children singing; just the words evoke sweetness and light, love, hope for the future, and everything that is right with the world. Most of the time, that is true for me.  I love my school and I love the darlings that I teach. We sing the cutest, sweetest songs and have so much fun.  Mass Choir, though, looms over me like a giant monster most of the school year.  Here's the background, as I am aware of it.  The superintendent declared that since the seven elementary schools feed into only two middle schools and one high school that the fifth graders should celebrate the end of the time in elementary and their coming together "as one" by performing an hour-long concert for their parents.  Every fifth grader in the district.  Whether they want to or not, whether they enjoy singing or not.

Have you ever experienced eleven-year-olds (or twelve or thirteen....) in the springtime?  I am reminded of the young creatures that spring around the barnyard, all mischief, joy and self-awakening.  I'm not saying they are badly behaved, I'm saying that by nature they are reaching for independence and acceptance among their peers.  The way in which they do that reflects whether they already possessed good behavior or not.  As planners of Mass Choir, the respective music teachers from each school do our best to find engaging and contemporary songs that these young adults will enjoy.  We also attempt to keep their "antsy" young selves busy by adding "moves" (less than choreography, more than finger-snapping) to all the songs.  From August to January, we choose songs and create moves.  We teach songs, send home lyrics and CDs, have competitions, do any positive behavior encouragement that we can to prepare the students for the big night.  We also take care of the logistics of the evening, but that's another complete story!

Imagine the last week of rehearsal. There are sixty students, in my case, one hundred at some schools, standing on risers together knowing that they're supposed to sing and move.  The superintendent never sees this part of the process.  It is the reason I came up with the term "grueling".  If not for a super-supportive specials team, fifth grade teachers and administration, it would not happen!  By nature, it is a Thunderdome of sorts - who can make whom laugh, who talks about someone else's mama, who can pass gas at just the right time - you get the picture. Somehow, some way, we manage to get them to sing and move enough to look like they know what they're doing. The only one that doesn't get the picture is the one that ordained it and will show up next week and talk about how wonderful that they can all sing together with energy and smiles and grow up to be the pride of the district.

Then the music teachers turn and smile and wave.  Within the next week we evaluate the year's show and start discussing next year's engaging music.  They all enter, they all come out, but the music teachers stay for another Thunderdome, year after year. 

Ring Around the Issue

Everyone wants something done.  There is not a soul that says "Oh, just leave EVERYTHING the way it is, it's working great!"  Everyone is standing around a perfectly round circle, looking toward the center from their personal viewpoint. Many, many points on the circle claim that this is their time to take charge.  This is their time to change what they see as the root of the problem.  Students have a view.  Lawmakers have a view.  Teachers have a view.  Parents have a view.  Law-abiding gun owners have a view. Politicians have a view. Even within each group mentioned, the views may differ widely.

With the advent of immediate news and social networking, it is a foregone conclusion that a democracy such as America sometimes boils down to the fact that the side that makes the most noise wins.  The side that can inflict the most public shame on the other side wins.  What one side thinks is the absolute white to the other side's black and the other side is stupid beyond all belief.

Tragedy creates outcry. The strength and effectiveness of the outcry is in direct correlation to the degree of the tragedy.  When there is alignment between horrific tragedy, a wide net of procedures that were bent or broken, and well-spoken young Americans creating the outcry, the media forces us to pay attention.

It is not my intent in writing this to declare where I am on the circle.  It is my intent to possibly have anyone on any arc of the circle look around and realize there are 360 degrees to the viewpoints that have ideas as to how to respond to this tragedy.  Yes, many things can be addressed; but let's try to be logical!

Are there already laws that aren't being followed?  How about we put some energy and funds into enforcing those laws?  Are there common sense things you can do to prevent that type of tragedy from happening again?  Do it!  Make it a habit!  Just today, I was a local headline on a story about thieves stealing from vehicles; it said "Residents, lock your doors!".  The mindset of a time and place where doors could be left unlocked is not conducive to preventing the type of tragedy we have seen recently. Times have changed.  Taking your shoes off at airport security is a pain, but we do it and feel safer for it! Are you a parent that doesn't snoop?  Do it!! Go through their stuff.  Do they pay for it?  Chances are if they do, it's a very small portion.  Look through backpacks, purses, phones, closets, drawers, computer browsing history, cars - and yes, you may get a bit of a broken heart in doing so, but you will also stay in touch and hopefully learn when to seek help.

Once we step up to the plate with what is already in place, then we can look and see if any big new changes make sense.  Logically.

Try to turn your neck and look at the views on the left and right of your position on the circle. If someone expresses their view from their arc, don't cry stupidity the moment you realize they come from a different angle.  Be logical.  Imagine that you have to answer for your beliefs and your statements. Don't believe something just because of social media or because someone in Hollywood said so.  Be aware that the media - all of it - is the product of humans.  Talk to people.  Be nice to people.  Know that drastic times call for logical intelligence more than they do drastic measures.

Effective Classroom Management Gone Bad 8/19/14

Back to school for teachers.  The meetings, the hugs, the surprise announcements of pregnancy and engagements.  The excitement/boredom combination that only that particular week can bring.  I've been to two days now, and something is disturbing me.  It's August 2014, and the town of Ferguson, MO is in such a state of unrest that it's affecting our nation.  The National Guard has helped out, and fifty-seven people were arrested last night.  They were protesting, throwing Molotov cocktails at and even shooting at police.  (The article stated that only four of those arrested lived in Ferguson, proving that people will go a distance to protest and cause harm.)  I am not taking a stand on the Michael Brown case. I feel so sorry for his family, just as I do for anyone that loses a family member.  I am commenting on the vaguely-named "protesters".  If you know me at all, you know that I am seriously anti-violence.  I have trouble with the idea of military and war at all, but this world makes forms of such an evil necessity.  I do know that a family lost somebody they loved and cared about, and rather than use the peaceful tools available, many of these "protesters" are causing more harm, injury and even death to try to.........what?

Yesterday, we played a game with our teacher handbook.  Various questions were asked, teachers had to locate the page number and answer, then run up front and ring a bell and see if their teams answer was correct.  Shorthand:  these are the issues that teachers don't do well on, let's pound them in your head with a game.  I stopped participating when something on page 14 caught my eye.  Under "Principles of Effective Classroom Management" it stated:  "Discipline students in private.  Do not redirect or reprimand in front of the other students."

I am at a loss for words.  I don't know if I can keep teaching.  I can't ask some boys and girls in my classroom "Please stop talking."" "Please don't touch her" "Put your rhythm sticks away, you broke the rules."?  I know there are many other ways, but sometimes a polite direct request works the little miracle we need at the time.  I teach between forty and fifty-five students at a time.  Alone.  Do I have to step out in the hallway with a student that is not allowing me to teach due to misbehavior?  Who watches the others?

Today, we had a presentation on classroom management.  The presenter was all about being positive.  Before I go any further, I have to say that I pride myself on being positive with children, and encouraging them constantly by praising good behavior.  The presenter this morning claimed that she only ever does that, and the worst children that are having a "bad day" are brought around by her praise.  Going into my twenty-fifth year, I can agree with that technique, but only for about 75% of the time.  There are some individuals, small as they may be, that (due to whatever life has dealt them) don't care, don't listen to the praise, abuse the privilege of being treated nicely and even cause a violent happening to a fellow student or myself.

I think there are grown-ups that don't care to obey the law today because the authorities in their young lives let them see by example that they would be rewarded if they chose to do wrong.  Should the authorities in Ferguson need to take one protester at a time to a side street and have a talk with them?  That's what education in America has led them to expect.  I'm glad I only have a few years left, and I hope I didn't scar any of the little darlings that I've corrected in class over the last twenty-five years.

Double Classes and Holding My Breath 4/17/14

Surprise!  The art teacher is sick today and there's no substitute!  "Of course, I'll take those classes.  No problem."  I mean, what choice is there, really?  Somebody has to take the extra group; I have one and PE already has two.  Simple math, the music teacher takes the extra group.

So today, instead of having my usual thirty darlings, I get to control anywhere from fifty to seventy.  Alone.  I've kind of gotten used to alone. Actually, though, that may be changing.

The last time I had to endure double classes, I wrote about taking a breath.  Taking a breath emotionally and letting the realization of  "who I am now" find the cracks in the wall that let happiness shine through like bright summer sun.  I am a little further along that path now.  A journey continues on a daily basis, does it not?  My itinerary has been busy lately.

I have seen the sunshine of happiness and I am now traveling a road of healing.  the care, attention and understanding given to me by Robbie have helped me wake up and realize that joy can be re-discovered in the aftermath of sorrow.  Robbie is traveling the same road, so when we need to take a break and sit on a bench for a while....we do.

Today, although I'm having to monitor double classes, I'm holding my breath - in anticipation.  Robbie, who has kindly traveled the miles to visit me twice already, is visiting again this weekend.  Although we talk very often, it's so much nicer in person. I'm anticipating laughter, serious talk, fun, a little sadness, but mostly a wonderful time.

Even though I had twice the students I usually do today...on the day before a holiday...I can smile on the inside and know that there's someone to listen to me talk about it when I get home. I may be alone in the classroom, but no longer in my spirit. What a difference.  Robbie and I acknowledge our respective tragic pasts and are seeking a happier future.  The sad chapters in our story have come to a close, and some happy chapters are being written.  So talk on, big groups of kids.  I'll hold my breath until 4:00 and enjoy the weekend.

Let's Save the World, Teachers!! (Or at least finish the year!) 3/23/14

I saw "Divergent" last night.  I really like the movies set in the dystopian future, especially ones based on YA novels that I have read.  The young people have to overcome all the wrongs that have been set in place by silly grown-ups since the world ended/big war/great disaster...whatever happened in whichever book.  There is always a challenge.  The characters at that point in the story are stretched to their mental and physical limits trying to make it out/in/to the next stage/stay alive. The formula varies, but the final challenge, in the novels and the movies, remains the most tense, suspenseful, casualty-filled part of the story.

All teachers are getting ready to enter their final challenge.  When I thought about going back to school after spring break, I thought about the last thirty minutes of "Divergent".  I also thought about "The Hunger Games" and every single "Harry Potter" book.  We're in the last months now.  Almost every school has about ten to fourteen weeks left.  Testing will be occurring on a regular basis.  Administrators will be needing to wear diapers worrying about testing abnormalities and audits.  Students will be getting in fights and falling in love.  It's funny that they are tested right around the time when their year-long relationship with the others that surround them reaches its peak!

Spring Break is just what is says: a small break.  The imminent end-of-year hill that we climb is in sight even though we are on vacation. (Is it subliminal that I accidentally typed 'hell' instead of 'hill'?)  I hope, all my teacher friends, that you were wise enough to treat yourself well this past week, because that may not happen again for a while.  We all know it, and our smiles and laughs to each other during the day will help us through.

So here we are, teachers....our final battle of this novel (or movie) is approaching.  Choose your weapons, revive your skill-set, encourage your team.  The good guys always win, don't they?  I'm right beside you, let's go!

Where My Brain Goes During Staff Development 1/11/14

It is the bane (or blessing, if you choose) of any teacher's existence:  having to sit through hours of staff development.  Usually occurring at the beginning of the year, prior to students returning from holidays, or on the odd Monday holiday - students off, staff in session, teachers sit for hours to be what; taught new methods?  inspired to change everything they do? be told we're valuable no matter what the world thinks?  If you assume that I've met my quota of staff development hours every year I've taught, then at the end of this year, I've sat through 575 hours of these lovely meetings.  How am I not perfect yet?  Besides the fact that nobody is perfect, the other answer is that over a span of thirty years, the exact same ideas are being implemented, but they are packaged with different wording.  If I say the words from twenty years ago to praise or remind, I'm not doing it right anymore. Same ideas, different words.  I recently sat through a day of listening to a speaker that was guaranteed (by our administration) to be wonderful!!!  You will learn so much! Be excited!  Let me bring out my inner Yoda as I say - "Exciting to me, meetings are not."  I decided to bring a pen and let my thoughts flow onto paper to keep myself looking engaged.  Here's a little view of where my brain went from 8:30 a..m. to 11:30 a.m., with one twenty minute break:

Go ahead, inspire me.  Try to tell me something that I haven't heard.  The first try - telling me I'm older, smarter and I have skills.  As I've said many times before, 'There's your "duh" for the day.'  Keep trying.  Next, you tell me to put my phone out of sight (not a bad thing) because every time it goes off, some chemicals are released in my brain.  Yeah, chemicals are released for me every time I smell the pizza from the cafeteria next door, too.  That's life.  So, you got our phones put away.  Now you go over the handout.  Thank you so much for telling me what is contained in the papers that I'm holding in my hand  Oh good, a new power point slide!  Please read it out loud to me because I'm a teacher and reading is hard.  Also, I do not agree with the quote.  From famed teacher and child psychologist Haim Ginott, it reads:

“I’ve come to a frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It’s my personal approach that creates the climate. It’s my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child’s life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or dehumanized.” 
― Haim G. Ginott

I do agree with most of that, but not the crisis escalating part.  I have personally seen situations escalate even when I'm at my personal best.  Dr. Ginott's observations are from the 1950s through the 1970s.  We need to keep the valuable and do away with what has changed with time.

Oooh!  Time to take notes! No, not really, just time to read the note-taking paper to me.  Once again, I guess I can't read.  More of the comedy routine (this is a fairly entertaining speaker, as they go...)about how tired teachers get, and how they go to happy hour together.

Finally!  We take notes about how our classroom looks.  And then about behaviors - we are supposed to tell them (the children) in all our gestures and behaviors that we want them here, we believe they can learn and we'll keep them as safe as possible.  (Good points, I've heard and used them for 23 years.)   Comedy moments were demonstrated concerning how our behavior is communication. (Example - a teacher yelling "What have I told you about yelling?"  haha)

Next we're asked "Do you get mad?"  Discussion (one sided) of what we do when we're mad.  All leading up to the point that we do not choose to sit in time out when we're mad.  So here we are, being told that we are doing it all wrong.  Don't say "don't hit".  Tell a kid that flips everyone off to do it in their pocket.  I don't know if I think that's ridiculous or I'm jealous because I didn't think of it.

We are told to ask ourselves:  "Can I be a perfect role model 100% of the time?"  We are told to remove "appropriate" and "inappropriate" from our disciplinary vocabulary.  Easier said than done.  A little contradiction is going on here. we can set a "parameter" and validate that a child has the urge to [hit, fight, curse, cheat....] and re-iterate the parameter for school.  But when you set parameters at school, isn't that because the action is not appropriate? Does simply changing "inappropriate" to "not ok" change the brain chemical?

So much of what this presenter is saying is the same thing I've been taught - on the job - for years.  And I personally use a lot of these techniques - maybe even in a very excellent, exemplary way.  Many teachers at my school do all these things well.

For the past 2.5 hours, this is what's been said.  It boils down to frame of mind.  She is saying "I did not say there are no consequences".  But she only gave examples of non-working consequences.  She didn't give concrete, usable examples of what to do once it's a necessity.  Consequences are seriously downplayed in the district, though, so that's probably a grand scheme.

Lunch is in six minutes and all I can think about is the pain in the bones of my rear end, as I've been sitting on a 12-inch diameter plastic disc for four hours.  And while I sit here contemplating whether this pain in my rear (literal, this time...) affects my bursitis, the speaker is making some of her most hard-hitting, serious, dynamic points and I'm not hearing a word.  Money well-spent, district?


Thus ends my free-write from my day of learning.  The afternoon session was another three hours of the same thing. My hand wouldn't write anymore.  But you know what?  The next day, students walked into my room.  I let them know that I was happy they were there, that I believed they could learn and that they were in a safe place.  I didn't do that because of the speaker. I did that because I love kids, I love teaching my subject to kids and I naturally adjust to the atmosphere and the basic needs of those kids to get them to learn and love music.

Treasure Box Day 11/16/13

There he sat, at the front of his row.  A little five-year-old boy.  Blond hair, cute as a button.  Because he was at the front, the other kids couldn't see what he was doing.  His eyes shut tightly, his lips mouthing unintelligible words and his hands clasped together with only knuckles showing.......he was praying.  My heart melted at the same time I laughed out loud with delight.  I didn't tell everyone, I simply enjoyed the moment.  You see, it was Friday;  time for me, the teacher, to select the treasure box winners.  Little boy only wanted a toy truck or a plastic bug.  And yes, he was praying HARD for it!

You see, as the 'ruler' of my classroom, I employ some 'tricks of the trade'.  I had told the same little boy on Wednesday that he was having a WONDERFUL week, and that I could tell he was trying to get the treasure on Friday.  The power of suggestion and dollar store goodies goes a long way in my little kingdom.  I must clarify one thing:  little boy is not a troublesome kid.  He is also not perfect.  He is a regular little boy.  He knows that he talks when he shouldn't sometimes, and that he stuck his tongue out at a friend once.  He is.....normal. And once in awhile, normal wins.

I love the hope that was expressed by this happening.  I love the balance in this world.  On the same Wednesday that I praised little boy, I had a horrible morning.  I needed a regular blood test, the kind where you have to not eat after midnight.  No problem in the evening.  BIG problem in the morning.  If I don't get my coffee and Cocoa Krispies, I don't function well.  Yes, every day, without fail, coffee and a bowl of Cocoa Krispies.  Since I was ten. (Well, not the coffee...) So I grouchily skipped breakfast and headed out early Wednesday morning for the lab, knowing there were loads of drive-thrus between the lab and work.  About halfway there - BOOM!!  Someone ran into the back of my car.  No coffee, no cereal, and now, rear-ended.  We pulled over, took a look - not bad at all - he gave me all his info, there was a baby in his car.....he was nice, I was nice, and I left and headed to the lab.  Offering my arm was easy compared to skipping breakfast and getting hit!  As I left the lab and headed for the drive-thru, I got a message on my phone.  A message from a dear, far-away friend.  It just said "Good Morning! You've been on my mind this morning...hope you have a great day! love and hugs!"  I cried.  I knew I needed to head straight to work, no down time to 'shake off' the events of the morning before teaching my large groups of darlings.  And with that message, I was reminded that so many people out there are thinking about me and praying for me.  It's the other thing, besides the precious little children, that give me the hope and the balance. 

When we pray for, think about and encourage each other, we are storing up treasure in a much more important treasure box than the one in my classroom. I have been more aware, since my tragedy, of the sending of a card, or the sharing of some words of comfort.  I'm not perfectly batting .1000, but I'm trying to reach out more.  You see, little boy actually earned his treasure (yes, he got picked!) through the whole week.  His 'prayer' was adorable, but his constancy of behavior won me over.  I appreciate the constancy of encouragement that I get right now.  Whether it's in the form of notes, words, smiles, conversations.....or prayer; I love you and thank you for balancing my days.  And, along with little treasure boy, every now and then I can raise my fist and say "YES!" .  Because I'm going to make it.

Oh My, The Things They Say! 9/12/13

What fun I have teaching ages 5-11, every year along the way of their elementary school journey.  A music teacher is a constant in their life, year after year.  It's so fun to look at the big, trying-to-be-cool fifth graders and say "Remember when you danced the tango with me?"  "Remember when you said you had a broken head?".  Little ones are always cute. "Mrs. McCarty, do you have some more musics today?"  But big ones are cute, too.  I stated we were going to learn a song from a war - would they like to guess which one?  5th grade boy - "Does it have the word silver in it?" Me - "Yes, if by 'silver' you mean 'civil', in which case, you got it!"  He laughs, we all laugh, and we discuss the word 'civil' then move on to "When Johnny Comes Marching Home".  Innocent mispronunciations to glaringly obvious, but hilarious questions are a part of the teacher's life.  I wish I could remember all of them - but quite a few have stuck in my memory through the years.

"Mrs. McCarty, she's breathing my air!"   Oh my, kindergartners have never had to share anything!

"I have to take a test, then if I pass the test, I go for an auction to see if I can be on television."
(Telling me about trying out for Jeopardy, Jr.)  My gentle correction:  "Pretty sure, since it's a TV show, that it's an audition, not an auction." 

One of my favorites:  I was showing a third grade class my class pictures from first, second, and third grade.  That's one of my lessons on the civil rights movement - all white children for two years, then magically in third grade, a great mix of skin colors.  Third grade for me was also when the school switched from black and white to color photos. (Perhaps to accommodate the new forced melting pot? Or just because photography advanced and it became affordable?)  One of my sweet, but oh-so-innocent third graders raised his hand and asked "Mrs. McCarty, when did the world change from black and white to color?"  Awesome question! 

"What's that big CD thing?"  Yes, it's a record.  I have an entire lesson built around the old classroom record player.  There are always one or two students of course, that say "My Grandpa has one of those!"  yeah, yeah, kids.

Here's a story from a friend that teaches in Florida - an overheard conversation:

Karington (darling student): Leo, can you look that way for my mom?
Leo (another darling): But I don't know what she looks like.
Karington: Yes, you do! She has long blond hair and she smiles like this (demonstrates a smile) and it is the prettiest smile in the whole world. And she is wearing a beautiful pink dress. And she is friends with Mrs. Petty.

Such love for her Mommy, and the fact that Mommy is friends with Mrs. Petty (my sister, smile, smile) just explains everything.

 Here's a favorite:  I have a small Chinese gong on my shelf.  Jacob, a really "cool" fourth grader, a few years ago, very loudly:  "Mrs. McCarty, is that your bong?"  Me - "No, that is the school's, and it's a GONG!!  G-O-N-G, GONG!"  Just saying, dear parents, we teach your children many things, but they teach us things about you, too!


Sometimes, though, funny - but not so cute.  For example, the time two little third grade girls were sitting so close to my feet that one suddenly (and loudly, of course) exclaimed "You've got hair on your toe!!"  Ouch.  I kindly explained (quietly, of course) that  I must have forgotten to take care of that when I shaved my legs, but would definitely remember next time.  I ALSO explained that she was lucky I was happy that day, because that would have made a lot of ladies cry and she needs to be careful when saying that sort of thing out loud.  Now, who wants to say that I just teach music????

The Turning Point, or Rebounding from "Burnout" 7/21/13

When the last day of the school year arrives, I do not cry.  Yes, I'll miss the ones that are moving on.  No doubt.  One in particular this past year - more than any one in a LOT of years.  (Godspeed, Chelsea!) But by the time the beginning of June rolls around, there are no tears left.  There is just tiredness, backed up by being fed up with excuses, whining, arguing, meanness crying, roughhousing gone too far....in other words, burned out.

"Burned out" is one of the awful insider insults in the teaching field. We see another teacher lose their patience, not turn things in, arrive late, depart early......and we whisper "burned out" among ourselves. I personally am always showing signs of "burnout" by the time summer is here. When I am finally home day after day, it takes a while to re-charge.  For the remainder of June, I don't want to be around children, hear  child's voice, talk cute to a child.....thank goodness, mine are grown and there are only college-age semi-adults around.  But sometime in July, it always happens;  I miss the kids.

I start looking at kids again.  I start smiling at the things I hear them say.  (Let's face it, children are, quite often, hilarious!)  I watch them goof off in the grocery store, or at a restaurant.  I'm ready to interact with small humans again.  It takes about six weeks, but the turning point always arrives.  After that, I'm anxious to prepare the classroom and get ready for that first day of school.  Welcoming my little darlings is so much fun. I know that if they are greeting me with a smile, a big hug, and "I missed you so much!" that I'm doing something right in their little lives. I must not be completely "burned out".

I think the turning point has come for me is the past couple of days.  I wondered if events at home would delay the turning point and extend the summer "burnout".  That remains to be seen, because imagination and the actual classroom with the actual little darlings are two different things.  I have been lonely for a few days now, and I think (hope, wish, pray!) that my job is the perfect counterbalance to loneliness.  Children are always needy, or excited, or wondering, or hurt....you get it.  I see one hundred fifty different little ones each day!  There's no way I can be lonely if I truly connect and teach them.  I may be sad underneath, but I won't be lonely!

I do worry some about the coming school year.  I worry that my underneath sadness may surface and cause me to cry, or speak sharply to a child that just needs a gentle correction.  I worry that older little ones, now that they have probably heard why I missed a week last year, will ask me about it, and crack my happy shell and the sadness will pour out.  Hopefully, the very fact that I am worried about them - and how my actions will affect them - will keep me in check.  I like to think I have a protective instinct around the little ones. 

Let's say for now that the turning point seems to be happening, right on schedule.  So many other things have been happening right on schedule since Scott died:  the garbage is collected, the bills have to be paid, haircuts are needed, fingernails keep growing, meals have to be cooked and dishes washed, dogs need grooming.  It shouldn't be amazing to me that I would start feeling ready to see my little ones at school again.  But then again, any good feeling right now amazes me.

In a few weeks, the imagination will become reality.  I really do hope that I can keep the happy face on for the kids and that my twenty-fourth year of teaching music will be as fun for them as it has been for all the little ones through the years.  I'm thankful for the family of friends that will be there with me, and may we all stay away from the "burn-out"!

"Did you know that student over there is banging his head on the table?" 4/27/13

Yes, there was some head-banging happening.  Not hard enough to hurt, just enough to show off.  Four teachers had tried to talk to this student about the issue, but he would just scream and cry.  The main teacher of the student faces this behavior from this same student almost every day.  We know the personality well enough to let them calm down a bit first, then take care of whatever may be wrong, or may have been done wrong. 


At the place where I teach, there is a discipline "program" that we follow.  Let's call it "***".  *** involves rewards for positive behavior.  Many teacher hours go into creating guidelines for behavior in every area of the school; as well as the challenge of constantly being urged to come up with "new, fresh and exciting" rewards.  *** just doesn't work.  It also has given administrative staff the freedom to look at a teacher and say "you need to handle this yourself".

Now, before I expound upon a subject that is not only part of my everyday life, but what I feel is a huge contributor to the greater wrongs in this world, I will at least specify where my experience lies.  I teach elementary music, grades kindergarten through fifth, in a public school in a very large district in Texas.  Our school population for those ages I teach is a little over nine hundred. You may not get the impression from this particular post that I enjoy my career, but I do.  I think I'm very good at a) teaching music basics, b) understanding little ones, respecting and meeting their needs, when possible, and c) using humor and structure to keep order within my classroom.

It's not just bad or ineffective parents that are creating the little ones of today with the "sense of entitlement" and plain old bad manners.  Our schools, starting at the top echelon of each district, are bent on insisting that bad behavior of students is on the decrease.  Programs such as **** serve one purpose - to lower the number of office referrals.  In other words, students that misbehave no longer face consequences.  Therefore, those acts of misbehavior do not become part of the record.

The old-fashioned among you (I include myself) may ask - "What is the purpose of not punishing wrong-doers?  Isn't our whole society based on the concept of law and order?"  You may disbelieve what I am telling you:  that teachers are left to creatively discipline every child for every offense, without any backup or higher consequence.  And yes, it is definitely not a true statement that NOBODY gets in trouble.  If another child is harmed, there are consequences.  If other parents call and complain about things their innocent child is a witness to, or worse, subjected to, steps are taken. If it makes the news, a consequence is part of the press release.  In a nutshell - most things fly under the radar these days, without any serious repercussion for most serious misbehavior. Is it any wonder that some of our young adults that are facing the challenge of mental illness feel more free to act out with violence?

I did a little research - very little, I might add.  I don't know to whom state education agencies are held accountable.  The federal government, for monetary aid?  The taxpayers and voters?  I do know, simply by checking a few state education agency websites, that the public can view the discipline data by district, broken down by offense, race, and economics.  Therefore, it is clear that every school district reports its "dirty laundry" - expulsions, felonious offenses, assault of faculty, even truants and in-school suspensions - to its governing state agency every year. 

Can you imagine the picture of the superintendent of each district lining up at a confession booth?  Every suit and tie business person that runs a district stepping in one at a time to confess the 'sins' of their children?  Of course, that's just imagery on my part.  But it is all reported.  There is paperwork to be done, computer reports to submit, and, eventually, one grand table to be filled in on the state website, for all to see.  Do the results affect anything at a state level?  My research didn't give a clear answer.  But when I checked the Texas Education Agency's website for discipline subjects, I did find a link to the Texas Education Code, Chapter 37, which charges each district to have a code of conduct that specifies everything that could lead to removal from the classroom up to expulsion.  The terms are general, when you look from a elementary viewpoint.  (They also have a misspelled word, which disturbs me on a completely different level.)  I truly believe, with the wording being as general as it is in "Chapter 37", that those discipline reports could be used against a district when it came to funding decisions.  A school district's best bet is to look as perfect as possible.

Perfect?  With children?  Children are not perfect.  They run indoors, they push and hit each other, they interrupt adults, they lie, they show their privates to others, they pitch screaming kicking fits, they peel paint off walls and trash restrooms.  That's just what I could say with one breath.  I've been teaching for twenty-three years.  I'm not being mean - those are the bare facts!  Most children used to be taught to control the afore-mentioned impulses before attending school, but that's where times have changed.  With the advent of more and more working parents and electronic entertainment, over half of a new kindergarten class does not know how to look at an adult and speak their first and last name.  I'm not talking about shyness, I'm talking about social skills.  Instead of being nurtured, experienced in public behavior, learning to sit quietly while be talked to or read to, and having some small responsibilities of which they can be proud of accomplishing, many new kindergarten age (5 years old) students cannot speak their name, do not know if they are a boy or a girl, and cannot walk around the corner to use the restroom alone. Instead of teaching them to start reading and counting and sorting, the first nine weeks of school are used to teach social skills.

Do I have the perfect answer?  Of course not, or I would be in every state capital, selling my "method" to every state agency for the big bucks, like so many other companies and individuals out there.  I've heard and used many methods in all my years.  Most of them are a re-bottling of a college class I took in 1983, called Educational Psychology.  The only new things I learned after that were the changing acronyms and certain gang information that I didn't learn in college!   I know from experience, though, when the shark got jumped.  I know what caused things to head down the wrong path.  It is simply the fact that consequences were removed for general bad behavior.  If a child is nothing but talkative, the teacher must deal with it.  Silent lunch, take recess, sit apart, simple little things.  For a very talkative child (yes, he may need medication, but no teacher can even imply that....or say anything if he is supposed to get it, but doesn't!) those consequences accomplish nothing.  If sending him home would go on that state record, it doesn't happen! That child is free, with only small results, to keep all the other children in the classroom distracted.  Children today are learning that breaking little rules doesn't matter.

My heart goes out to our children that have severe problems, diagnoses, whatever their challenge may be. The child that was banging their head on the table had gotten caught in a lie and was upset with himself. I did go talk to him (again), managed to let him know I would be fair with him when he settled himself and we resolved the issue about thirty minutes later. This child was a ten-year-old.  As I said, I am kind to all and respect them as people even though they are little.  I also manage to keep the terrible behaviors at bay with humor, kindness, a little wisdom (a good seating chart works wonders!!) and a little help from my friends!  But I mourn the loss of the day when teachers, administrators, parents and the community worked as one to make sure that children learned how to behave correctly before they went on to middle school or high school.  I fear that there will be many more violent lessons before we regain the strength and fortitude to actually discipline.  I pray I'm wrong.