Hold a grudge? Not me........

I've been struggling with something for a while now.  Let's see if any of you have a similar problem.  Years ago, about 24 years ago to be exact, somebody was very mean to me.  Flat-out rude.  In front of quite a few people - some of whom took up for me and tried to right the situation.  Thank goodness for those people, because I didn't end up thinking that the entire room hated me.  Twenty-four years?  How would that affect me still?  ......you might ask.

Here's the deal.  I imagine myself coming in contact with that person in the present.  (It could happen, although chances are it won't.)  Instead of imagining my gracious self saying "Oh, I remember you, hello!"  I scheme and pet my cat, a' la Dr. Evil, and dream up ways to tell the whole imaginary crowd that they were very mean to me in the past and don't deserve my attention now.

My heart knows, however, that such a reaction would be wrong, immature and against everything I teach and try to live.  I really don't think I have it in me to confront anyone in that way, no matter how I feel inside.  I could probably type it, from the comfort of my own home, constructing all the phrasing to show me in the best light, them in the worst.......oh wait, that sounds so familiar.

Maybe we all have a past incident that we would love to re-visit in today's time, just to show "I was right" or "You were wrong" or "Look where I am now!" I suppose it's human nature.  In reality though, we need to remain gracious and kind.  I have stalked the mean person from my past and seen them in family pictures, having fun, looking oh so nice.  I suppose I could change my heart and be my sweet self if ever a chance meeting happened again.  Thinking about payback is amusing, but in real life, I vote for being nice, all the time.

You can try not to keep score - but SOMEBODY wins! 3/25/13

I watched "This is 40" last night.  OK, I'm a little behind, because my husband and I could make "This is 50"!  What really hit me when the movie was almost over was how everybody has problems.  We are trained from an early age to make appearances be as perfect as possible.  We should project that we have it all together - personally and as a family. I myself have always subscribed to this line of thinking.  "Just don't embarrass me" has always been the bottom line for discipline.  We should always seem successful.  We should never admit that anything wrong or shameful has happened.  The more I think about this, the more I am convinced that successful people and families in America are 50% exaggerators and 50% liars.  I fall into both categories, thank you very much.

Sharing time at work:  "My daughter is in Ireland on a school grant from Yale."   "I have another grandchild on the way!"  "My son made varsity baseball."   "I finished my graduate work with a 4.0!"
All those comments - how many are 100% true?  What can I raise my hand and say?  I've got some successes - but there have been ventures that have not been as successful as well - I'm afraid I'll hear throat clearing from the back of the room if I only tell half the story!

Why do we feel the need to present ourselves as superior?  I watched my first grade class line up to leave my room today. Almost every child walked as fast as they could to be in front of as many people as they could.  In three separate instances, someone got pushed.  Does it date back to the watering hole?  Is our competitive nature the survival skill that has gotten the human race the furthest?  I believe so.  We like to win.  We like to brag.  It's in the nature of small children.  So I guess the question is - "How do you balance winning and feeling superior without acting totally obnoxious?"

Taking away the win is not the answer.  Oh, they are trying these days.  What about those "fair, fun, positive" sports leagues where nobody keeps scores and nobody ever wins?  Yeah, that doesn't work.  They are just setting those kids up for emotional problems later.  Know why?  Someone usually wins!  Let those kids grow up trying out for the school team, running for student council, auditioning for the musical, applying for the scholarships, going on the job interviews.......SOMEBODY WINS! 

So how do we balance it? The lying, boasting human ego?  I don't have the answer, in case you wondered.  I taught my children not to brag, but then I had to re-teach them to be confident and "go for the goal".  I listen to the sharing at work and just remind myself that I'm only hearing half the story; that those people probably have some life events that they would never share in a million years, just as I do. 

The best advice I can give is to have a friend that knows the truth. A good friend that knows the warts along with the beauty.  And when things get overwhelming, just have dinner with that friend and laugh at all the other people's warts, while knowing that your own are showing just as plainly.