Hate-Memes and Hiding Friends 2/21/14

Life is a contest, right? Who makes the most, has the most loving family, looks the best, drives the best, chooses the most "in" entertainment, restaurants, activities....all a competition.  We brag, we share "neat" things we did, we applaud our friends and family on social networking, we sometimes talk in mysterious code, acronyms, specialized terms from our new activity - just so we look like we are the best.

Everyone wants to be the smartest, too.  Just invent an app that is an IQ test and gives great results; the average person can score a '160' on your scale.  You'll make your million by shares on social networking, because everybody wants to be a genius.  Make people feel smart and you will win.  

Social networking also lends itself to the sharing of beliefs.  It's a rare person that does not have their 'religion' listed as something.  It's a rare person that doesn't every now and then thank some entity or another for a wonderful event, or request prayer for difficult times.  The thing is; as we compete to be the best, and strongly state our beliefs, some start tearing down others.  It is not enough for some folks these days to post positive things about what they believe, they must tear down and disprove any opposing beliefs. Many choose to do so with the ready-made worded photos that sometimes have a link to a ranting, one-sided news story.  I call these "hate memes".   Hate memes sprinkle my social network page with regularity.  I know, you believe in your cause, you believe you're right and you're out to set everybody else straight.  Only guess what?  It doesn't work.  Most people ignore them.  The ones that 'like' them, or comment on them either completely agree with you, or are looking for a good argument....but never to change their mind.  Maybe there is some alternate group of friends that discuss things thoughtfully and weigh the evidence of what others believe against their own beliefs carefully.........nah.

I have actually hidden a few of my more common "hate-meme" posting friends from my news feed.  I didn't un-friend them, I like them as people. They don't know I've hidden them, so there are no repercussions.  I just don't enjoy knowing how much you hate this politico or that.  I'm secure in my personal beliefs and will gladly enjoy what you have to share;  (as long as you don't call other's beliefs stupid) recipes, favorite old song videos, and quizzes (see, my preferences may annoy you!)  It's fun sometimes to spend an hour or two on Facebook - and post several links to things you enjoy.  Others may get tired of my Peter Frampton videos, pictures of my pets, bragging about my choir and especially those pesky blog posts.  I get it - everyone is free to look or not look.  Also - free to hide or not hide - a great Facebook feature that keeps feelings from being hurt.

My main concern, though, comes with those that have started to interact on a personal basis as if they are personifying a hate-meme.  I have seen people tell each other they are idiots, they don't know anything, they don't deserve an answer.....all sorts of rude things.  I honestly think that if your goal is to look intelligent enough to prove that your beliefs are much better than someone else's (because, after all, you are smarter...) then you need to be told that you are painting yourself into the dunce's corner every time you belittle or hurt someone else.  I suppose I'm throwing out a Rodney King-type plea here "Can't we all just get along?" - and it won't ever happen because humans want to be the best.  I just wanted to say, though, you don't win if you're mean.  The Internet makes it a lot easier to be mean, and too many have fallen into that trap.  So, take your 180 IQ that the Facebook test says you have and use it to be humble, informed and positive about your own beliefs.  Quit being mean just because you're only sitting at a keyboard or using a phone and none of those people out there seem real.  You won't win.

You can try not to keep score - but SOMEBODY wins! 3/25/13

I watched "This is 40" last night.  OK, I'm a little behind, because my husband and I could make "This is 50"!  What really hit me when the movie was almost over was how everybody has problems.  We are trained from an early age to make appearances be as perfect as possible.  We should project that we have it all together - personally and as a family. I myself have always subscribed to this line of thinking.  "Just don't embarrass me" has always been the bottom line for discipline.  We should always seem successful.  We should never admit that anything wrong or shameful has happened.  The more I think about this, the more I am convinced that successful people and families in America are 50% exaggerators and 50% liars.  I fall into both categories, thank you very much.

Sharing time at work:  "My daughter is in Ireland on a school grant from Yale."   "I have another grandchild on the way!"  "My son made varsity baseball."   "I finished my graduate work with a 4.0!"
All those comments - how many are 100% true?  What can I raise my hand and say?  I've got some successes - but there have been ventures that have not been as successful as well - I'm afraid I'll hear throat clearing from the back of the room if I only tell half the story!

Why do we feel the need to present ourselves as superior?  I watched my first grade class line up to leave my room today. Almost every child walked as fast as they could to be in front of as many people as they could.  In three separate instances, someone got pushed.  Does it date back to the watering hole?  Is our competitive nature the survival skill that has gotten the human race the furthest?  I believe so.  We like to win.  We like to brag.  It's in the nature of small children.  So I guess the question is - "How do you balance winning and feeling superior without acting totally obnoxious?"

Taking away the win is not the answer.  Oh, they are trying these days.  What about those "fair, fun, positive" sports leagues where nobody keeps scores and nobody ever wins?  Yeah, that doesn't work.  They are just setting those kids up for emotional problems later.  Know why?  Someone usually wins!  Let those kids grow up trying out for the school team, running for student council, auditioning for the musical, applying for the scholarships, going on the job interviews.......SOMEBODY WINS! 

So how do we balance it? The lying, boasting human ego?  I don't have the answer, in case you wondered.  I taught my children not to brag, but then I had to re-teach them to be confident and "go for the goal".  I listen to the sharing at work and just remind myself that I'm only hearing half the story; that those people probably have some life events that they would never share in a million years, just as I do. 

The best advice I can give is to have a friend that knows the truth. A good friend that knows the warts along with the beauty.  And when things get overwhelming, just have dinner with that friend and laugh at all the other people's warts, while knowing that your own are showing just as plainly.