I watched "This is 40" last night. OK, I'm a little behind, because my husband and I could make "This is 50"! What really hit me when the movie was almost over was how everybody has problems. We are trained from an early age to make appearances be as perfect as possible. We should project that we have it all together - personally and as a family. I myself have always subscribed to this line of thinking. "Just don't embarrass me" has always been the bottom line for discipline. We should always seem successful. We should never admit that anything wrong or shameful has happened. The more I think about this, the more I am convinced that successful people and families in America are 50% exaggerators and 50% liars. I fall into both categories, thank you very much.
Sharing time at work: "My daughter is in Ireland on a school grant from Yale." "I have another grandchild on the way!" "My son made varsity baseball." "I finished my graduate work with a 4.0!"
All those comments - how many are 100% true? What can I raise my hand and say? I've got some successes - but there have been ventures that have not been as successful as well - I'm afraid I'll hear throat clearing from the back of the room if I only tell half the story!
Why do we feel the need to present ourselves as superior? I watched my first grade class line up to leave my room today. Almost every child walked as fast as they could to be in front of as many people as they could. In three separate instances, someone got pushed. Does it date back to the watering hole? Is our competitive nature the survival skill that has gotten the human race the furthest? I believe so. We like to win. We like to brag. It's in the nature of small children. So I guess the question is - "How do you balance winning and feeling superior without acting totally obnoxious?"
Taking away the win is not the answer. Oh, they are trying these days. What about those "fair, fun, positive" sports leagues where nobody keeps scores and nobody ever wins? Yeah, that doesn't work. They are just setting those kids up for emotional problems later. Know why? Someone usually wins! Let those kids grow up trying out for the school team, running for student council, auditioning for the musical, applying for the scholarships, going on the job interviews.......SOMEBODY WINS!
So how do we balance it? The lying, boasting human ego? I don't have the answer, in case you wondered. I taught my children not to brag, but then I had to re-teach them to be confident and "go for the goal". I listen to the sharing at work and just remind myself that I'm only hearing half the story; that those people probably have some life events that they would never share in a million years, just as I do.
The best advice I can give is to have a friend that knows the truth. A good friend that knows the warts along with the beauty. And when things get overwhelming, just have dinner with that friend and laugh at all the other people's warts, while knowing that your own are showing just as plainly.
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