*The opinions and scenarios below are not intended to cause guilt, blame or any such feeling from anyone. If anything, I feel guilty for being the one with baggage, the one you must be "careful" around.
"How was your summer?" The opening line of anyone going back to school - students and teachers. Contrary to what you may think, not all teachers hang out together all summer long. We intend to "get together", and then the next thing you know, it's time to go back to those glorious meetings.
My school family knows me, they know my situation, and they know that my answer - "just ok" - is justified. It's not a bad attitude, it's not a diagnosed condition, it's just that truthfully - trying to make it through the last three months since my husband has been gone has only been "just ok". Matter of fact, sometimes, it's been horrible. Sometimes it's been numbing. Sometimes it's been manic - when I feel a little happiness, I go a little nuts because I'm not sure I'll feel happy again for a while.
I am blessed to have a work family that knows and understands. I want them to know - I don't care what you say to me. "How was your summer?" is normal. "How've you been?" is normal. I want to be normal. But I also have been changed in such a way that my answer to you might be "Just ok." or "Not so good.". Please don't let my honesty make you uncomfortable, just go with the flow. Tell me "I guess not." or "I understand." or "You're allowed.". Then we'll keep talking. If I turn insular for a moment, talking on and on about myself, wait until I take a breath and tell me where you went on your vacation. Every time I talk with someone or some group in a regular way, I am walking that path back to being normal.
I am just ok, by the way. I am a bundle of fears, plans, wishes, pain, hopes, loneliness, perseverance, wanting to give up, positive one day/negative the next....and did I say fears? I might talk your ear off about having to sell my house because it's too ridiculously big for us, or I might keep it from you that I have to go to court for probate one day. In trying to be normal, I hope you, all my friends, will let me choose what to share and what to keep. You are all so kind and understanding, I know you will.
"How was your summer?" "It was just ok, how about you?" The ball's in your court. Help me back to normal. I love you, my friends.
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