I watched "This is 40" last night. OK, I'm a little behind, because my husband and I could make "This is 50"! What really hit me when the movie was almost over was how everybody has problems. We are trained from an early age to make appearances be as perfect as possible. We should project that we have it all together - personally and as a family. I myself have always subscribed to this line of thinking. "Just don't embarrass me" has always been the bottom line for discipline. We should always seem successful. We should never admit that anything wrong or shameful has happened. The more I think about this, the more I am convinced that successful people and families in America are 50% exaggerators and 50% liars. I fall into both categories, thank you very much.
Sharing time at work: "My daughter is in Ireland on a school grant from Yale." "I have another grandchild on the way!" "My son made varsity baseball." "I finished my graduate work with a 4.0!"
All those comments - how many are 100% true? What can I raise my hand and say? I've got some successes - but there have been ventures that have not been as successful as well - I'm afraid I'll hear throat clearing from the back of the room if I only tell half the story!
Why do we feel the need to present ourselves as superior? I watched my first grade class line up to leave my room today. Almost every child walked as fast as they could to be in front of as many people as they could. In three separate instances, someone got pushed. Does it date back to the watering hole? Is our competitive nature the survival skill that has gotten the human race the furthest? I believe so. We like to win. We like to brag. It's in the nature of small children. So I guess the question is - "How do you balance winning and feeling superior without acting totally obnoxious?"
Taking away the win is not the answer. Oh, they are trying these days. What about those "fair, fun, positive" sports leagues where nobody keeps scores and nobody ever wins? Yeah, that doesn't work. They are just setting those kids up for emotional problems later. Know why? Someone usually wins! Let those kids grow up trying out for the school team, running for student council, auditioning for the musical, applying for the scholarships, going on the job interviews.......SOMEBODY WINS!
So how do we balance it? The lying, boasting human ego? I don't have the answer, in case you wondered. I taught my children not to brag, but then I had to re-teach them to be confident and "go for the goal". I listen to the sharing at work and just remind myself that I'm only hearing half the story; that those people probably have some life events that they would never share in a million years, just as I do.
The best advice I can give is to have a friend that knows the truth. A good friend that knows the warts along with the beauty. And when things get overwhelming, just have dinner with that friend and laugh at all the other people's warts, while knowing that your own are showing just as plainly.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Saturday, March 23, 2013
But Peeps have always been yummy!! 3/23/13
Yummy - that's what I thought of Peeps. Yes, Peeps - the marshmallow treats, chicks and bunnies, pastel colors, most people only buy them for the Easter baskets because they're pretty. I even joined the "Peeps fan club" once upon a time. I've got the t-shirt, cap and member card to prove it! But I was crushed this week when I bought a box of Peeps and tried to eat a few on the way home (car calories don't count, right?) - they tasted like cardboard! How could this have happened? I was the Peep queen - my mom would mail them to me when I was in college! When I lived in England, I learned the term "gone off". It means you don't like something anymore. "I've gone off Chinese food since it made me sick..." I guess I've gone off Peeps. Have they changed? Is it my taste buds? Did I simply age out of the marshmallow/sugar taste? Why can't things stay yummy?
Yummy was Easter with little four and six-year-old girls. They had beautiful new dresses with white buckle shoes and lacy socks. They truly believed that the Easter bunny had eaten those carrots and left those dirt prints on the carpet. They went to church with me and listened and bowed their little heads to pray. They ran all over the back garden after church, hunting the eggs that Dad had hidden, the older sister helping the younger one, and even sharing with her. Those were yummy years.
I suppose I would have gone off the four and six-year-old age had we managed to get stuck there. Anything can grow old. As I write this, I'm thinking "What's yummy about the college age kid?" There are answers. True answers. The college age kid has to do their work on their own and make decent grades. That's happening. And it's yummy. It's just not as cute or frilly or fun. The college age kid has to decide what kind of adult they are going to be.....no small task in today's world. I find it extremely yummy that my 18 and 20-year-old girls always find themselves on the fair side of any issue. Right now, they are almost fair to the point of being liberal bleeding hearts, but that's college kids, eh? Those are the kind of people that can end up making a difference in this world, and I'm so pleased to see that little truths I taught them at ages four and six have matured into caring, sensitive attitudes-sometimes mixed with outspokenness and activism-at ages eighteen and twenty.
So, come to think of it, there is still some yummy around here - it's just a much more mature flavor of yummy that the child-like sweets. I've gone off a few more things besides Peeps in the past fifteen years, but I will never go off loving my children and the adults that they are becoming. I can only hope that they find their own yummy - in every stage of their lives. Happy Easter, everyone.
Yummy was Easter with little four and six-year-old girls. They had beautiful new dresses with white buckle shoes and lacy socks. They truly believed that the Easter bunny had eaten those carrots and left those dirt prints on the carpet. They went to church with me and listened and bowed their little heads to pray. They ran all over the back garden after church, hunting the eggs that Dad had hidden, the older sister helping the younger one, and even sharing with her. Those were yummy years.
I suppose I would have gone off the four and six-year-old age had we managed to get stuck there. Anything can grow old. As I write this, I'm thinking "What's yummy about the college age kid?" There are answers. True answers. The college age kid has to do their work on their own and make decent grades. That's happening. And it's yummy. It's just not as cute or frilly or fun. The college age kid has to decide what kind of adult they are going to be.....no small task in today's world. I find it extremely yummy that my 18 and 20-year-old girls always find themselves on the fair side of any issue. Right now, they are almost fair to the point of being liberal bleeding hearts, but that's college kids, eh? Those are the kind of people that can end up making a difference in this world, and I'm so pleased to see that little truths I taught them at ages four and six have matured into caring, sensitive attitudes-sometimes mixed with outspokenness and activism-at ages eighteen and twenty.
So, come to think of it, there is still some yummy around here - it's just a much more mature flavor of yummy that the child-like sweets. I've gone off a few more things besides Peeps in the past fifteen years, but I will never go off loving my children and the adults that they are becoming. I can only hope that they find their own yummy - in every stage of their lives. Happy Easter, everyone.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Spring Break doesn't mean you have to break something! 3/17/13
I walked out this morning to warn the next-door kids to watch out. They were riding bikes and scooters in the cul-de-sac, swarming everywhere like bees. When I told them that a wrecker was bringing one of our cars to the house, the nine-year-old girls' face lit up with curiosity. "What happened?" "Why won't it go?" "What were they doing?" Evidently, my college-age daughter's experiences are like an episode of 'Gossip Girl' in her eyes.
You see, college-age kid (I'll call her '18') went to Galveston Beach with three other college-age kids. Spring Break. No "gone wild", but kids, probably some beer, cars, bikinis, sun, waves.....it's an eternal theme. So, 18 thought that since everyone was driving onto the sand, she could, too. She knew not to drive on loose sand, but somehow got stuck anyway. When you're a teenager and get stuck - and somebody offers to help, you say yes. Some big pickup truck tried to loosen the car from the rear - and the front bumper got caught on the sand and came off. Well, mostly off. It was hanging loose with a lot of broken plastic underneath.
18 was wise enough to call me at that point, when there is evidence, my kids always know to own up right away. What could I say, but "tie it back on and come home"? Unfortunately the car shut itself down - some electrical issue, no doubt - and they ended up stuck on the side of the road. We had roadside assistance tow it to a friend's house, because the 80 miles to home would have cost over $200. I drove the hour down there to pick up the crew and delivered them all safely home.
Hubby is always away when these things happen, so he sends decisive answers at 3 am by e-mail. "She takes your truck back to school. Pay to have car towed home. You drive other car." Short and sweet. I like it that way, because it makes me think that he took the news very calmly.
I sent her back to school in her sister's car, and found a tow for under 200. So when I saw the swarm of bikers, I knew I had to not only warn them to be careful, I had to get that little zinger in to their dad- "Enjoy the bike years, they're over before you know it!" Based on how interested his daughter was in the college kid's exploits, he had better stay on top of things - you keep looking out through the same old eyes, but life changes mighty fast.
You see, college-age kid (I'll call her '18') went to Galveston Beach with three other college-age kids. Spring Break. No "gone wild", but kids, probably some beer, cars, bikinis, sun, waves.....it's an eternal theme. So, 18 thought that since everyone was driving onto the sand, she could, too. She knew not to drive on loose sand, but somehow got stuck anyway. When you're a teenager and get stuck - and somebody offers to help, you say yes. Some big pickup truck tried to loosen the car from the rear - and the front bumper got caught on the sand and came off. Well, mostly off. It was hanging loose with a lot of broken plastic underneath.
18 was wise enough to call me at that point, when there is evidence, my kids always know to own up right away. What could I say, but "tie it back on and come home"? Unfortunately the car shut itself down - some electrical issue, no doubt - and they ended up stuck on the side of the road. We had roadside assistance tow it to a friend's house, because the 80 miles to home would have cost over $200. I drove the hour down there to pick up the crew and delivered them all safely home.
Hubby is always away when these things happen, so he sends decisive answers at 3 am by e-mail. "She takes your truck back to school. Pay to have car towed home. You drive other car." Short and sweet. I like it that way, because it makes me think that he took the news very calmly.
I sent her back to school in her sister's car, and found a tow for under 200. So when I saw the swarm of bikers, I knew I had to not only warn them to be careful, I had to get that little zinger in to their dad- "Enjoy the bike years, they're over before you know it!" Based on how interested his daughter was in the college kid's exploits, he had better stay on top of things - you keep looking out through the same old eyes, but life changes mighty fast.
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