A Grocery Store Revolution

We must all.........

Everybody has an answer to fill in the blank.  Everybody knows what it takes. Words like love, respect, prayer, patience, peace, tolerance, reform, control, matter; words, words, words, ideas, ideas, ideas.    Let me ask a question: When you walk out of your door, get in your car and go buy groceries, are you living up to your words?  Are you practicing your ideas? How do we do that?

Everybody has to buy groceries.  We don't always enjoy it, but we do it to live.  Let's take a scene at the local Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market.  It's weekly shopping time.  Everyone arrives at the store in their own way - driving, walking, bus, however.  When you walk through the doors of the Market, you become a "grocery-store person".  You choose your buggy (cart, basket).  So does everyone else.  You walk each aisle according to your list, or your shopping style. So does everyone else.  Do you ever really pay attention to the "grocery-store people"?

There's a family blocking the cereal aisle because the four kids won't stay on one side.  There are teenagers being loud, perhaps even pushing one another in the cart.  There are senior citizens moving slowly and standing for what seems like forever in front of the eggs, just when you need some.  Do you practice your ideas on these people?  I'm not specifying what race or religion, these are just grocery-store people.  Do you smile?  Do you speak a kind word?  Do you respect?  Do you remind yourself in your own mind that they were once you, or could be the future you? 

I think this is where it starts.  I have had many occasions to simply smile at someone that may have made me impatient or uncomfortable.  I'm also not so innocent that I don't think of how to defend myself in certain places and situations - but I don't think that will build the better world for which we all long.  I don't pretend to have the answer as to what will build that better world; but I do know that you can give it a jump-start at the grocery store. Start a revolution.  Smile at someone today.  

Happy Birthday, Mitzi!

Mitzi turned two yesterday.  Mitzi is my Mitsubishi Outlander.  Although she's only two, she already has 42,000 miles.  Once I bought Mitzi, life shifted into the fast lane.  I wrote a little story about test driving Mitzi and Peter Frampton playing on the radio.  A man named Robbie made a comment about my story in a grief forum.  A couple of weeks later he messaged me.  Now that I know Robbie, I am surprised he ever sent that message!  The story that I shared  with the world ended where Robbie and I got engaged.  The truth is that the engagement started a whirlwind of activity that has only just started to slow down a bit!

Planning a wedding wasn't easy, even as small of an event as we had.  There were only thirty family and close friends invited and the wedding was held at a beautiful nine-bedroom house in Destin, Florida.  It could not have happened without the help of said family and friends and for that we are forever grateful.  The only regret was that both of our fathers were unable to be there.  We loved our ceremony and the fact that both families were able to remember and honor those that we lost while still celebrating with us in our new found happiness. 

We decided, not long after, that moving to the Mississippi Coast would be our goal.  We were still sending wedding thank-yous  as I began filling out job applications.  Once interviews were scheduled, preliminary plans for selling the Texas house began.  Once I got a job, searching for a place to live (with six pets!!!) was difficult.  It began as wanting to rent a house for a year to figure out what we wanted, but soon changed to going ahead and buying a house.  Buying takes a little time, so we had to also find a furnished apartment to rent so that I could start the new job.  I kept a calendar over the summer, using code letters for which house we actually slept in that evening.  There was only one occasion where we spent more than seven nights in one place.  A triangle was carved on the highways from Houston to Jackson to Biloxi.  And Mitzi was the champ that traveled those miles.  She was relieved upon occasion by a Penske truck or two, but she also took her turn pulling "Dino", the 12-foot Uhaul trailer.  Mitzi has taken us on uncertain rides, heard us complain and cry and voice our fears; but Mitzi has also heard our laughter, our hopes, our wonder at the beautiful sunsets and rainbows.  And yes, Mitzi has seen our hugs and kisses along the way.  Just this past Christmas, she traveled, full of presents and wearing reindeer antlers, to bring family - and three dogs - together for the holiday.   

Mitzi turned two yesterday.  She has two dents, but don't we all?  I took her for a full wash and cleaning at Classy Chassis.  She deserved it.

Help-books and Fun-books....

Just today, I stumbled across the fact that there are actually books out there meant to help people like me. Help-books. Not being much of a non-fiction reader, this fact did not surprise me as much as the number of them available.  The funny part is, I've thought and planned to turn these blog posts into a book, in case they could help someone else that is grieving.  I just didn't know that lots of people have already done that! I'm not sure whether any of them have the plot twist of meeting someone new so soon, as I have. I'm trying to record and remember all the feelings that go with along with it - don't know if any of those other books do that!  I should probably read them all and find out!

Do these books give advice? I think some do. They are meant to be Help-books.  I did peruse one at Barnes and Noble one evening.  It had chapters on everything from immediately after your spouse's death to a chapter called "Widows and Sex".  I did not buy it - I did what anybody would do, looked at the 'good' parts and put it back down.  I didn't really learn anything new or groundbreaking, so you will get no details from me!

I feel a little guilty, though, that I've done all this writing and not read what others have said before me. (I generally feel guilty about most everything, no surprise there!) I've read little bits, just not books.  A blog post is about the right length for my concentration these days. I started reading a John Grisham book that a friend lent me in January.  To me, that's a Fun-book.  It's April and I'm on page 72.  I'm only able to sit for so long until thoughts and ideas flood my brain and I have to just get up and do something.  Sometimes the something is writing down the thoughts.  Sometimes it's cleaning out a drawer.  You never know.

I jump up, do whatever it is I feel needs "doing", and move on to the next thing.  I don't go back to the book. That is not the person I used to be, when a Fun-book could devour my days and nights until I finished it. Readers are a special breed of people.  The list of things we can ignore while immersed in a book can include family, friends, pets, hunger, chores....on and on.  I am one of those, usually, just not lately.

 I did research and read Help-stuff.  Not books. Thank goodness there are web pages and support forums out there that I could read in a 'drive-by' style. They did help, a bit.  But what helped mostly was sitting here and organizing what I was feeling into sentences, paragraphs and full posts.  I've been pretty honest about what I've been feeling for the last eleven months.  I want to remain true to form, just because everyone has been so loving, supportive and encouraging.  Writing these little posts has been my therapy, my meditation, my crutch, punching bag and wailing wall. I think writing took the place of immersion in Fun-books.

I don't think I'll read the other Help-books.  I am moving forward on my own. Well, mostly on my own.  My boyfriend has been through the same loss, so I have a new sounding board; one that has been there.  Perhaps, though, I'll just keep writing in case this one turns into a Help-book itself.  It would be a privilege to help anyone.  Anyone at all.  It's also non-fiction, so I probably wouldn't read it, but that's all right; I'm living a non-fiction life right now and it's turning into a story that I wouldn't put down!

Piece by piece...... 5/5/13

I bought a raffle ticket for a beautiful quilt back in February.  Either I didn't win, or they haven't had the drawing yet, I don't even remember.  I just know that it was a good cause and it was pretty.  Even though there are no quilts actually covering any of the beds in my house, I really love them.  The designs, the fine stitching, the stories of how quilting served a social and practical purpose in history; all of that is fascinating to me. 

I personally have only ever made one quilt square.  The ladies of the church each constructed a square.  The squares were then sewn together and quilted with batting and backing as a gift for the departing preacher's wife.  I don't know if my square held up or not, but the final product was very nice - especially when I compared it in my mind to my one raw-edged square.

Since I have lived in a few different places, I think and reminisce about friends all over the world quite often.  Certain people are just strongholds to me.  Others are acquaintances with whom it is fun to laugh and joke.  Many of my friends were my students at one time.  I still feel that I have the role of encourager to them - even though they are well-grown with families of their own.  The way that everyone you know is connected to you is unique - like a quilt.

Imagine a weekend morning where you stayed in bed a little longer, all cozy. You know the comforting weight of the covers that keep your body warm?  That is your daily network - everyone that is a part of your routine.  Co-workers, teachers, students, the same worker where you buy your coffee every day.....they hold us in place and keep us steady. 

The beautiful, spread-out, cool section of the quilt - you know, you kick out and run your foot under it every now and then - is the part of our network that remains with us even though we have moved on.  The cousins, friends from school, the ones from our first job, the former students, the other parents from when your own children were young; they remain a part of our covering even years later. 

What about the corners of the quilt?  You know that there are the people that you knew, spent time with and laughed with, yet you are only in contact with them if you there is a tragedy or a need.  They are beautiful, helpful members of your quilt - they just don't receive as much wear from you.

Finally -  that part of the covers that you pull up next to your face to snuggle?  That is the part of your quilt that you need daily - your family, your best friends, the ones that help you with problems ranging from running out of eggs to serious illness or job struggles. All of us need those who are the always-there, constant people in our lives, and we feel cold and uncomfortable without them.

My quilt is beautiful.  It's also unique. Everyone's is unique!  I am thankful for all the friends and influences I have had in my life - and I am going to keep trying to smooth and take care of the snugly part of my quilt - as well as to straighten and appreciate the corners and everyone in-between.