Monday, January 26, 2015

Speak Up!

One year ago today, I received a message.  It was an unsolicited message.  It was very nice.  It was sent by another person just reaching out to say 'Hey! You're doing all right!" Do you ever have the feeling that you should just tell someone they're doing well?  It's a wonderful instinct that, in my opinion, should be followed as often as you can!

A year ago, I read and occasionally posted in a grief forum for spouse/partner loss.  I had recently started posting links to this blog.  Everyone on there was going through the same thing.  They still are now, and new ones have appeared.  There is a lot of explaining and sharing each one's personal story, encouragement and asking "Is this normal?".  Forums may be right for some, not right for others.  As a matter of fact, not every forum is right for every person.  The truth is:  when you've lost your spouse and come home to an empty house, the forums are.......there.  An empty house becomes a living, breathing reminder that you are alone.  These days, however, it is possible to sit at your computer and communicate with others, therefore feeling not so alone.

On this particular forum, you could post, comment on posts and send private messages.  There had been a few instances in December 2013 when I had commented on posts by a 'Robbie R' (and vice- versa).  Those comments are still there today.  On January 26th, I received a private message from him.  It was very sweet and encouraging and talked a bit about the loneliness.  I answered it just as sweetly (of course!) and the exchange of communication began.

Today, we are twelve days away from getting married.  We've yet to decide on a cake topper, but the idea of two computers has popped into my mind more than a few times!  I want to take this opportunity to thank 'Robbie R' for having the courage to send me a message.  It wasn't flirtatious or suggestive, it was simply straightforward and encouraging.  I did write a few blogs that complained about subjects (surprise!) and he was able to agree with me and say "Yeah, what about that?".  He spoke up.  It takes nerve to speak up.

If you hear or see something that makes you want to speak up, you should give it some thought, and then do it if it seems right.  From the grief-stricken to the most happy, everyone needs to hear things like "I agree with you."  "You're doing a great job."  "I feel the same way."  "You'll never know how what you did affected me." and "Keep up the good work.".  Robbie and I are examples of how speaking up at the right time can bring change to your life.  I'm not going to promise that yours will lead to marriage, of course, but the effect of kind encouraging words on others can make this world a better place.